Maybe. Just maybe. I Love You.

:(

I am sad and pathetic and awful.

My life is full of tears and sorrowness.

Not until, I saw your face, those charming face.

Liking or loving you or whatever it is that I am feeling right now, is far far far more impossible for us to be together than me loving lionel messi.

Even though I know, that you are just a few kms away from me, and theres always a huge possibility that I'll bumped into you someday. It just feels impossible to us. tooo impossible.

MAYBE I SHOULD JUST STICK TO LOVING OR LIKING OR WHATEVER IT IS I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW TO LIONEL MESSI. both of you didn't even know that i exist.

damn. love is hard.

You are not my type, but why do i fall for you.
You didnt even know i exist, but how could i feel this chemistry.
You didnt even talk to me, but why do i feel like I've known you for years.

We will always be far apart even though I know that we are so near.

I might need a miracle for this, but I don't know if I really need this miracle, or is this just another nightmare I need to go through with ?

P/S: I'll be adding a new label starting from this post. Its call Dreams. X(

i hate you

is it you ?

or maybe you ?

nope.

ITS YOU.

ergghh. seriously. i think i need to add another task to my 27 days.

27 DAYS WITHOUT YOU. NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

and i want to start now. tonight.

all the best to myself.

xxxx.

EFFIEB.

RANDOM

ohhh sooo random !

1. I think I fell in love with a stranger ! *darn*

2. I love talking to someone that i can now call bestfriend, AT LAST !

3. I like my schedule full, even if it is actually full with useless crap.

4. I am trying to set a standard in my life, very high indeed. OHH. I already did. My standard is easy. I only want the best.

5. I am working to have a new life, so everything is on the way from zero to hero, or from old to new. EXCEPT FOR MY CAR. So mama&ayah. I NEED A NEW CAR ! X(

6. I've list out so many things to do with my fav assess.

7. I need ASTRO in Subang !

8. My phone can stay still and keep quiet for 2 days more or less, how awesome kann ?

9. I just realize that i really actually did put my studies first before love. AHAHAHA.

10. And lastly, i'll jump back to my pink track ! so PINK for life.

Could you please pick up the pieces for me ?

Pieces of what ?

Pieces of my heart, that had shattered into million pieces.

X(

Sad. Yeah truly sad and pathetic.

Well it had been there on the ground for quite some time already, but everyday. I tried picking piece by piece. Glue it all back together. And lately . . . bla bla bla.

so instead of writing this piece of garbage i decided to write something else.

In order for me to get back on my feet. I tried so many things. and one of it is like fasting. but instead of holding back on food, you try to hold back on something else. maybe soft addiction ? from the moment my world come tumbling down.

I start to put in my mind or hold myself back from doing anything that could make me sad or unhappy or give negative effects to me.

One ;

NO CONTACT. THRU PHONE, TEXT, EMAIL, COMMENT IN FACEBOOK OR BLOG FOR 27 DAYS.

Two ;

NO STALKING HIS EMAIL, FACEBOOK, BLOG FOR 27 DAYS.

Three ;

NO THINKING ABOUT HIM EXCESSIVELY, THINKING WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN ! FOR 27 DAYS.

The first one, was a success. I did it. and until now, theres no urge to do so, for now. maybe there was, and i did. but the email didnt get through so. it doesnt count and that was after the 27 days.

The second one, is still fresh. This is the third day i think or maybe the fourth. but i am trying hard, very very hard not to stalk him anymore. hahahaha.

The third one, sounds impossible to me. but i really need to try anyhow. so the key word on the third task would be. BERSERAH. let it be. If i question who what where why how and everything, Im like questioning HIS power. Since things like this are all outside my control. So the key to success in this particular task is BERSERAH OR LET IT BE.

The thing is. some people just wonder why don't you just do it all at the same time? why do i need to take 27x3 = 81 days to at least crawl back on track ? Well the answer is easy. 20 % is because I don't want to do so, because i just love it when i feel all sad and gloomy and its like my fav thing to do. to cry an ocean of tears and blablabla. and the other 80 % is i know my limits, and how far I can push myself. And I need baby steps to do all this. I can't just do everything at the same time cause I spend 365x3 = I dont have a calculator to count how many days, that I woke up to the goodmorning and I slept by the goodnight with him. So if i say its easy to forget him. I am lying. CAUSE ITS NOT EASY. But I will never give up I'll not make a fool of myself cause I am better than that. and i will not let myself to waste, theres so many things i can do.

Actually I dont really have anything to say. But i need to stay awake. so i am actually writing something for me to post but my brain is not working right. Forgive me .

Goodbye.

FEMINISM

One thing everyone should know.

I'm a feminist.

If a man hurts a woman in anyway, physically or mentally.

MAN WILL ALWAYS BE THE BAD PERSON, ANYHOW. X)

It doesn't matter they will always be wrong until the woman became a bitch, if she is lesser than a bitch. I will still say that man is wrong.

Not even if a woman takes another woman's man for her own interest or something. She will never be as bad as the man who agree to actually respond to those flirty things and etc. BUT NEITHER will she gets a token of appreciation nor respect from me.

So as far as I am concern, a man will always be the bad one from my point of view, not until he really proves that he was right.

LIFE TRAINING

When everything important to me came tumbling down.

When the circumstances urged me to be independent.

I started to train myself to be one.

THE ONE

who can stand on her own feet

who can actually achieve anything on her own

who has everything she actually wants and need without the help of the so-called the other half

who can actually start doing all the thing she loved to do with him alone

But I don't wanna be a loner

or too independent

but still, I won't let my guards down anymore.

If you want me, take me as I am or just leave.

scared ?

WELL.

theres just things that I am so scared to go through.

to know that this is an absolute ending.

where you have no power to change what is going to happen.

and this changes are permanent.

YES.

there are two things that I am so scared about.

1. looking / knowing that he is getting engaged

2. looking / knowing that he is getting married

YEAH. TWO ABSOLUTE ENDING

of our tales.

It hurts to even look at the pictures of him and some other girl.

But everything is beyond my power.

Almost everyday I'll be staring at the same picture.

zoom in and zoom out

it used to give me heartache

to see him moving on with his life this fast.

BUT NOW.

I am just glad that those heartache is turning to something more POSITIVE

A calmer feeling, glad that he is finally settling down, i guess.

I hope at the end of the day.

I can actually tell the whole world from deep down in my heart that

I ACTUALLY FEEL HAPPY FOR HIM.

X)

Sorry

MAMA, I am sorry if i am a disappointment.

I know I am suppose to give you good news.

And make you feel happy and proud.

And I failed to do so.

Every little thing you ask me to do, I always let you down.

and i am so sorry for that.

I promise you ma, I'll do better next semester.

I'll try harder, and I won't let some jackass guy distract me.

and you have my words ma.

I promise to not let you down anymore.

still.

I feel so glad and happy. Even though it is not as good as the others, but at least i knew i did my best and i am so thankful to Allah All Mighty for the strength HE gave to me. and I think I went through a lot this time. and HE help me to go through all this, even after what I've done, all my wrongdoings. Alhamdulillah. (: But I know we can't settle for less, when you can get more, right ? So I will have to work hard next semester so that I can make my parents proud of me.

AYAH & MAMA. I am so sorry, I know I am such a disappointment but I'll keep on trying.

Glad

I am glad that i finally feel normal.

Like the ordinary days.

And I love this feeling, it feels like even anywhere I go, theres always someone wtih me (:

And I thank all this bitches here that make me feel so wonderful and help me to be back on track !

BUT.

the one thing that is not complete is

at the end of a very tiring day, it would be nice to know that somewhere on this earth theres one person that is waiting on the other line to just listen to what you've went through today and all the small things that happen in life just to share. (:

MAYBE.

I'll make it through all this feeling of incomplete. Maybe i should start writing in a diary, at least I could share with something what I did today and what I went through.

X)

P/S : To everyone, good luck for the results tomorrow. Hope everyone pass with flying colours, including me of course.

Adios.

wondering

Sometimes when people do bad stuff to us or when i am facing someone inconsiderate

I just wonder.

What do you feel when you do that ?

Whats in his/her head right now ?

What are they thinking ?

How could they even do that ?

What is wrong with this people ?

and the one question that I always ask myself is

HOW DID YOU EVEN HAVE THE GUTS TO HURT SOMEONE LIKE THAT ?

I understand that sometimes theres certain things that is beyond our control, but still. when things have to come to an end. those who left or is letting go. it won't hurt you to say you are sorry that things have to end. With just 3 words you can help to heal somebody. saying sorry won't kill you and your ego. I wonder why is it so hard for certain people to say sorry because you think you are better than those who you left or hurt ? or is it because you think that you are not doing something bad here and those people you left or hurt deserve to be treat that way ? Is that why ? Well I don't think anyone can answer my question except for those people who left and hurt people without saying sorry. Its the least you could do.

but then reality check.

Maybe I've done it before. Well of course I did, but I think I did say Im sorry. ANYHOW. For those I've hurt intentionally or not. I AM SOOOO SORRY, maybe theres just things that are not working out really well. But thinking of it. Everyone whom I left, is a friend of mine now because I hate ending things with someone badly. Everyone deserve to know and be treated right even after what they have done kann ?

I am so touched with what a friend of mine told me. No one can be perfect and everyone is different. and for that is why she is my best friend forever, because she'll be with me through thick and thin in life. Shes always there to comfort me, she might not be the best advisor, but she will always be an angel to me.

'

life isnt full of shit. life IS shit.

sumone said to me.. human, they cant be perfect.. not sure if it has sumthing to do wif wat u r saying but it might be useful at time.

hmmm.. act im not sure if im d right person to ask for advices. but i'll do anythg i cud becos u r my fren. the best indeed. babe, pleasing people's heart were never easy. its too complicated to understand. but it doesnt mean that u dont have a heart. . u do have. a good one. d one that got hurt but never hurt back. d heart dat gives too much without taking.. n u knw wat..? not evry person in this earh has a heart like urs. but i do know one person. :)
if he cant see that in u.. he is damn blind. too blind to see what he had done to u..

ur stories remind me of myself. i might be d blindest person on earth.. but still eventho we r humans, we arent d same..so that makes me diff from him. evry single human is special on their own way.. believe in urself. sumhow sumday sumone will see u so special that he cant even take his eyes off u.

and dats when u will love ur life. u will love everything. u will love it. n u will know that it is okay to be wrong.

"Follow your heart; even though it's on your left, it's always right ♥" :)' (Ainul,2010)

Choices

In life. Sometimes you have to choose. and mine. I've made mine.

I am saying GOODBYE.

to you.

Ive consider everything, and still this is the only thing I can do right now.

Senyumlah.

Senyumlah dikala gembira, kerana itulah sebaik-baik utusan yang menggambarkan ketenangan hati

Senyumlah dikala duka, kerana itulah yang menggambarkan kerelaan hati menempuh dugaan Allah

Kesabaran yang disertai iman kepada Allah akan membawa kemenangan.

Can't Wait ! X)

Raya Puasa destination : ISTANBUL, TURKEY !

One thing that can keep my mind healthy and happy. haha. Think about all the places and food that I can eat there, and how fun it would be.

Raya Haji destination : Probably Singapore, UNIVERSAL STUDIO X)

But not confirm yet, but still. I just hope it came true. Tee Hee.

Thank You Ayah & Mama. I love you truckloads.

Smile.

I am so use to faking a smile.

and NOW

Its like a part of me.

Forgive me for my fakeness, but I'll soon find a remedy for it.

(: